i fall in love a hundred times a day 

my heart races in it's pace 

Everyone who's ever smiled as they walked by 

every internet interaction that's ended on a high

I've imagined your life 

where you sleep

what you do for work 

how you eat 

what the light looks like when it hits the trees 

near your house 

your apartment 

I've imagined your dog 

your cat 

your brothers

your dead parents 

I've imagined your smile at night by firelight 

under soft sheets 

I have loved you 

as deeply as the people I've slept next to 

I have dreamed an entire life with you 

I have thought of the face you'd make 

the hunger in your eyes

as you lean in to touch your lips to mine

to slip off my insecurities one leg at a time

callused smooth thick nimble fingers on my thighs 

tugging me down the bed 

the books we've read 

the way your arms have felt around me 

the way your elbows made the mattress cave 

the thump of your heart beat 

the muscle tension in your meat 

I have dined a thousand times on your smile 

stolen your words with my mouth 

I have bled out 

from imagining 

from being in love with a world that hates itself